Wedding Invitation Etiquette for a Widow

Addressing a wedding invitation to a widow can be difficult for many who are worried about either offending or saddening the recipient. There is a basic etiquette that outlines how one should deal with the situation. However, in the end it comes to common sense and your judgment based on your relationship with the widow and the length of time that has elapsed since the death of her husband.

Outer Envelope

Proper etiquette holds that on formal invitations, such as a wedding invitation, widows must be addressed with their deceased husband's full name regardless of the amount of time that has elapsed from his death. Therefore, the name on the outer envelope should read, "Mrs. Daren Thompson." Many, however, feel that addressing a woman by her husband's full name, whether deceased or not, is sexist and outdated. In that case, the outer envelope can be addressed with the widow's first name, "Mrs. Kristine Thompson."

Inner Envelope

All first names are left off the inner envelope. Therefore it should read "Mrs. Thompson." If you are allowing all single invites to bring a guest to the ceremony and/or reception, write "Mrs. Thompson and Guest."

With Children

Children are generally left off the outer envelope and added only on the inner if they are invited. An inner envelope inviting a widow and her children should read "Mrs. Thompson" on one line, followed by a second line stating "Lily, Peter and Carol." The children's names should be listed in order of age.
If you are inviting a child who is over 18 yet lives in the same household, send two separate invitations one for the widowed mother and the second for the adult child. Address all adult children on the same invitation, such as "Misses Tara and Tanya Thompson" on the outer envelope, and "The Misses Thompson and Guests" on the inner. Use Miss and Mr. for only one adult child, and use Messrs. for multiple male adult children.

Name Plate

Placesettings at the dining tables in the reception are also at times difficult to navigate. Placesettings can either be formal or informal depending on your personal preference. At small weddings, only first names are commonly used on the placesettings. However, if there are guests with the same name, such as three Saras, it can get complicated. You can either name each place setting as the guest's first and last names only, or with a title in front of it. "Kristine Thompson" and "Mrs. Kristine Thompson" both are appropriate name plate settings. The choice must be consistent with all of the name plates.

Exceptions

If a widow has legally changed her name back to her maiden name, you must respect their actions. In such cases, "Miss (or Ms.) Kristine Archer" should be used rather than Mrs. and her married name.

Read More

Wedding Etiquette for the Processional

Now that you're almost finished planning your wedding, you want to make sure that all the ceremony participants are aware of the etiquette that is expected of them. Certain courtesies and formalities are the responsibility of the wedding processional; going over these rules with your wedding party will help to ensure that your special day is even more memorable.

Mothers of the Bride and Groom

In traditional Christian weddings, the mothers of the bride and groom are separately escorted down the aisle by an usher before the ceremony begins. The women should be to the left of the usher, and if they are wearing corsages, these should be placed on the left shoulder. The mothers are usually the first of the wedding processional to be escorted down the aisle.

Fathers of the Bride and Groom

The father of the groom is usually seated before the mothers enter the wedding site. Parents of the couple getting married should be seated on the first two rows of the chapel or church. The bride's father usually escorts her down the aisle, and is positioned outside of the church to the right of the bride before entering the ceremony. If the bride has chosen to walk down the aisle alone, or with her groom, the father of the bride should be seated with the groom's father before the wedding begins.

The Groom and Groomsmen

After the parents of the bride and groom have entered the ceremony, the groom walks down the aisle, with his best man by his side. The groom may also come from the side or front of the church, in order to walk directly to the podium and stand next to the officiant. The remainder of the groomsmen should take their places behind the best man. Usually, when the groom enters, the music changes, signaling that the rest of the wedding party, and the bride, are preparing to come in.

Bridesmaids, Flower Girls and Ring Bearers

After the groomsmen are positioned at the front of the church, the first bridesmaid should enter. It is best for the second bridesmaid to wait until the woman before her is halfway down the aisle before entering. Some brides choose to have the bridesmaids escorted by ushers, which is acceptable as well. The maid or matron of honor is the last to come into the wedding chapel, and she is followed by the ring bearer and the flower girl (or girls). Once the flower girls have decorated the aisle with petals, it is time for the bride to come in.

The Bride

The bride traditionally enters the ceremony with her father. She is positioned to the left of him. The music changes when the bride comes into the wedding, and she walks slower than any other member of the wedding processional. Once the bride reaches the front of the church, her father gives her away by placing her hand in the groom's; some fathers choose to kiss their daughters on the cheek or hug them before giving the bride to the groom.

Read More

Wedding Etiquette for a Blended Family

A wedding is an emotional time, and if you're trying to figure out how to accommodate parents who have divorced, step-parents, stepchildren and/or your own exes, it can be a logistical nightmare. Fortunately, blended families are everywhere these days, so there are protocols to use when you don't know what else to do. By using the proper etiquette for the given situation, it's easier to avoid unintentionally insulting one or more of your wedding guests.

How to Word the Invitations

If your parents are divorced, the etiquette regarding how the invitations read depends on who is paying for the wedding. If one set (for example, the bride's father) is paying, the invitations would read "Mr. (and Mrs., if he has remarried) Joe Smith request the honor of your presence/pleasure of your company." If the bride's parents are divorced and they are paying for the wedding together, it would read "Mr. Joe Smith and Mrs. Sue Jones" (with no mention of any stepparents). If both sets of parent couples are friendly and hosting the wedding together, write, "Mr. and Mrs. Joe Smith and Mr. and Mrs. Bill Jones."

If Your Parents are Divorced and Friendly

If the bride or groom was raised in a blended family, then you will have two separate families to accommodate in your wedding party. How you do this will depend a great deal on how your parents get along. If they have remained friendly and you are close to both of them, then plan to include them and any step-parents in the ceremony somehow---the bride's father could walk her down the aisle, for example, and her stepfather could read a blessing. Both sets of parents can sit with their spouses or dates in the front pew, and the stepmother would be the first mother escorted down the aisle; the mother is the last down before the wedding party. Ask siblings and step-siblings alike to be your attendants.

If Your Parents are Divorced and Hostile

If your parents do not get along, or if one of them has had difficulty accepting their ex's new partner, you will have some decisions to make. A parent's role in a wedding is determined by their relationship to the bride or groom, so the parent to whom you are the closest should sit in the front pew, with your grandparents on their side occupying the second pew and your other parent sitting in the third pew. If one of your parents really cannot stand one of your step-parents, etiquette dictates that the step-parent should sit near the back of the church with a trusted friend. Have some heart-to-heart talks with these adults in your life---it will go a long way toward preventing hard feelings.

Blending Your Own Families

If one or both of you have children, you will be forming not only a new marriage but a new family. It is entirely appropriate and proper to mention this in your wedding ceremony. Ask your officiant to add a section mentioning the children, if you like, and if the children themselves approve of the idea, they too can take "vows" promising to do their best to make a happy home with their new family without abandoning the old one.

Including Your Children in the Ceremony

One way to blend your children into a new family from the beginning is to include them in the wedding planning and the wedding party. They can be maids of honor and bridesmaids, best men and groomsmen or flower girls and ring bearers, depending on their ages. You could make a ceremony of lighting a unity candle together or give them tokens (such as lockets or watches engraved with the date) as symbols of your promise to love and protect them. Make sure you know what the children are comfortable with, and assure them that you do not expect them to stop loving their other parent just because they have another family now too.

Read More

Church Wedding Etiquette

So you are ready to tie the knot, and you want to have a church wedding. In order to make this day truly special, you should know a few guidelines when it comes to church wedding etiquette. Follow and share them with the people in your wedding so that everybody is on the same page and there are not any unpleasant surprises.

Seating Arrangements

In Christian weddings, family and friends of the bride sit on the left side of the church, while the right side is reserved for the groom's guests. Your ushers will seat your guests. Advise them to be at the church early so they can seat everybody comfortably as guests arrive.
In Jewish weddings, the sides are switched.
If one side is much more crowded than the other, it is acceptable to seat guests in the less crowded pews.
Parents of the bride and groom should sit in their respective first rows Special guests and close family members are also expected to occupy the front rows.

Processional

There are different variations for the processional. The groom and best man usually wait at the altar and watch the groomsmen and the bridesmaids walk down the aisle. They are followed by the maid of honor, who is in turn followed by the flower girl and ring bearer. The bride comes down the aisle last, traditionally on her father's left arm or on the arm of a close male relative. She can also walk to the front by herself.
If you have many groomsmen and and bridesmaids it is best to pair them up.

Best Man and Maid of Honor

Put your best man and maid of honor to work. While the best man is supposed to hold the rings until the groom and bride exchange them, the maid of honor should check on the bride's dress and/or train, flowers and veil to be sure that everything sits neatly.

Engagement Ring -- Where Does It Go?

The bride should be sure her engagement ring is on her right hand before the ceremony. Later she should shift it to her left hand above the wedding band. The wedding band is worn first, so it can be closer to your heart.

Recessional

The bride and groom leave the church first, followed by flower girl and ring bearer or the best man and maid of honor. Then it is the bridesmaids' and groomsmen's turn. Behind them come the mother of the bride with the groom's father and then the father of the bride with the groom's mother.
Expect the first round of congratulations outside the church. However, do not spend too much time there after the service so your guests have a shorter waiting period at the reception.

Dress Rehearsal

Usually, there will be a dress rehearsal at the church the evening before the big day. This helps to go over the ceremony with everyone involved. But don't worry about perfecting every step. There is always the opportunity to improvise. Besides, there will be plenty of helpers around you on your wedding day.

Important to Know

Some churches do not like brides to expose their shoulders. It is best to check on what is expected with the official who will be conducting the ceremony. Have him answer any additional questions you may have about the wedding. Remember: these people have lots of experience with weddings so do not feel shy about asking anything that comes to your mind.

Read More

No Kids Allowed Wedding Etiquette

Children can sometimes create noisy distractions at weddings. They often don't care for the food at receptions, yet because they require seats, the bride and groom must pay for their meals. There are polite ways to ask people not to bring their children to a wedding. The key is to do it without hurting anyone's feelings.

Time

"Save the Date" cards are popular options for alerting friends and family members of your upcoming wedding. These are a perfect way to first introduce the concept of a "no kids allowed" wedding ceremony and reception. Mention on your "Save the Date" cards that this will be an "adults only" affair, and that you hope this ample notice will allow for plenty of time to secure babysitters or make appropriate arrangements. Because "Save the Date" cards are often sent up to a year before the event, this allows parents plenty of time to prepare.
While you might not get the results you hope for, you can attempt to simply pass the notion of "no children allowed" via word of mouth.

Rehearse

Regardless of what your "Save the Date" cards say, you're bound to have at least one or two people call you or ask you in person, "Would it be okay if Susie comes to the wedding? You know she always behaves." While this is inappropriate for people to ask, it won't stop everyone. You need to have a line rehearsed that you and your bride or groom will stick to no matter what.
"We all deserve some adult time every now and then," you might say. "We thought our wedding would be the perfect event for the adults to let loose and not have any obligations."
Or how about "We love the kids and hope we can get together and visit soon. But we've opted for adults only at the wedding and reception."

Reiterate

Announce your intentions one last time when you send your wedding invitations. Whether it is printed directly on your invitation or on the RSVP card, you might opt for one of the following options.
"No children, please."
"Adults only, please."
"No children under 16, please." This one can state any age you wish. If noise and inappropriate behavior is your only concern, consider allowing children ages 12 and up to attend the wedding.

Read More

Invitation Etiquette for a No Children Wedding

Despite the fact that not wanting children at a wedding is fairly commonplace, many people have issues with how to communicate this request. Some are extremely reluctant to even ask, for fear of sounding rude or offending some guests.

Polite Wording

Avoid a terse "No Children!" on the invites. Better options include putting "Adult-Only Ceremony and Reception" on your invitations, or stating on your RSVP cards that it will be an adult reception. To reemphasize the point, say "We've reserved __seats in your honor," indicating only the adults in the number.

The Details

Briefly explaining your reasoning may help guests understand your request. "As no daycare is available at the wedding, we ask that parents make other arrangements for their children," or "To cut down on costs, we are having an adult-only reception," or "Because of the late hour, we ask that no children be brought to the reception."

Kid Care

One way to allow parents to enjoy your event is to provide babysitting. Mention in the invitation that children must be taken to the daycare provided as the wedding and/or reception is adult-only. Set up a room where the wedding is being held or the home of a family member or friend near the location as a nursery/childcare area. Hire a professional sitter or recruit some family members to watch the children for several hours.

Be Specific

To avoid any miscommunication, clearly state what you mean by "children." Some parents may assume that older kids are all right, while you may want no one under legal drinking age in attendance. Some couples may be fine with children over the age of 12 or 13 who don't need round-the-clock supervision. Be sure to specify the age limit in your invitations. Also, clearly state whether children cannot attend only the reception or both the wedding and the reception.

Request Reinforcement

Inevitably, some people will assume that, despite your request, bringing their kids will be OK. Thus, it never hurts to give a friendly reminder. A week or two before the big day, call or e-mail all guests who have RSVP'd and who are parents to tactfully remind that you're having a no-children wedding and to offer the babysitting services other parents are using if you're not providing childcare yourself. Be firm to ensure that everyone plans to respect your wishes on your wedding day.

Read More

Stepfamily Wedding Etiquette

When you are the child of divorced parents and one or both of them has remarried, you can face some complications on your wedding day. Couples should try to incorporate their step-parents into their wedding day. Besides being proper etiquette, it will make your celebration inclusive and heartwarming.

Your Step-Parent's Role

Dr. Jann Blackstone-Ford, a divorce and stepfamily mediator, cautions that unless your biological parent is out of the picture, your step-parent should take a backseat role in planning. You should turn to your biological parents first for wedding advice before asking a step-parent's opinion.

Invitations

According to Wedding Basics, if both of the bride's parents are remarried, and they are both hosting the event, list the mother and stepfather first followed by the father and stepmother on the second line.

Seating Arrangements

Peggy Post states that you should seat your mother and stepfather in the first pew, next to your father and stepmother if they have a friendly relationship. Otherwise, seat your father and stepmother two rows behind your mother.

Walking Down the Aisle

Post adds that sometimes the bride may feel closer to her stepfather and want him to walk her down the aisle. She suggests having both fathers walk the bride down the aisle, but if that is not an option, be honest with your biological father promptly.

Photos

Blackstone-Ford states that step-parents should appear in all pictures with their spouses, unless it is just a father-daughter shot. Communicate your wishes to your photographer and your family.

Read More

Military Wedding Invitation Etiquette

Military wedding etiquette shares many of the same guidelines as other types of weddings. Differences between military wedding invitations and civilian wedding invitations lie in the use of titles and ranks, and identifying branches of service. Other etiquette considerations include which officers to invite, seating of officers, and other traditions to incorporate into the ceremony and reception.

Use of Military Rank

Include the ranks of military personnel if either the bride or groom is a member of the military. Follow this same guide if the wedding host or any of the brides or grooms parents are members of the military. For senior officers, the rank appears in front of the name; for junior officers, rank appears below the name. Exclude the rank if the individual is enlisted personnel in the military. Never abbreviate military titles; spell out the rank on the invitation.

Branches of Service

The branches of military service are included on the wedding invitation regardless of the rank (officer or enlisted personnel). The branch appears on the line below the persons rank and name. The branch is spelled out in its entirety, including the phrase United States (e.g., United States Air Force). If the military personnel member is retired, this is indicated after the branch of service (e.g., United States Air Force, Retired).

Invitation Wording

Military wedding invitation styles follow the same patterns as civilian weddings. The wedding hosts, traditionally the bride's parents, appear first, followed by the bride then groom and his parents. If either parent is an officer in the military, use the appropriate rank. However when an officer's name appears with a spouse's name, the branch of military service is not included; identify only the military rank. If the bride and groom are hosting their own wedding, use their rank and branch of service.

Addressing Envelopes

If invited guests are members of the military, the recipients ranks are included. Address the outside envelope using complete names and spell out the military rank. Do not use abbreviations on the outside envelope. Abbreviations are used on the inner envelope; however, the military rank is not abbreviated. The branch of military service does not appear on either of the envelopes.

Other Aspects

For military weddings, the couples commanding officer and spouse receive an invitation to the wedding. Other staff officers and their spouses are also invited. Commanding officers and spouses are seated with the family or in the rows immediately behind the family. If the parents of either the bride or groom are not in attendance, the commanding officer and spouse are seated in the first row or pew.

Read More